But  there is something positive about realizing our regrets and talking about them. Knowing what we regret the most in our lives can lead us to better decision-making today, or even influence us to make a u-turn or to change our course. Being fully aware of our regrets can guide us in realizing what we truly value in life. It can help us pick up lessons from our past, thus allowing us to better ourselves.

Having regrets can actually be a good thing. It means we have realized that we’ve made mistakes. After all, you cannot regret something you don’t recognize as a mistake.

Regrets are not, in themselves, negative. What can be negative are our attitude towards our regrets. Things become negative only when we decide to dwell on our regrets, yet wouldn’t do anything to ensure that we wouldn’t have the same regrets in the future.

So why don’t we try to do things differently and for once, think and talk about our regrets and what we can do to ensure we wouldn’t have similar of them in the future?

To start, here are two of my regrets in my 30+ years:

1) I regret those moments I thought I was too old to try something. There were things I wanted to do in my early 20s but didn’t because I thought it was late. Now I look back and realize being 20-something is still young to be late for anything.

2) I regret those moments when I put a limit to myself. Now I know better. You can do whatever you set your mind to achieve. You just have to work really hard.

[I'll add to the list later.]

How about you? What are your regrets?

~Sherma E. Benosa

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My neighbors laughed when I told them what I intended to do with the rope I bought.

“You have a wild imagination,” one of them said.

But I retorted: “Disasters can happen to anyone. I don’t want to be caught unprepared.”

It was a few months after Ondoy. Ours were among the houses that were submerged in the flash flood that inundated Metro Manila. Since that experience, I had become more safety and preparedness obsessed.

Although compared to many, my brother and I may be better prepared for eventualities such as disasters, I realized during Ondoy that I am not as prepared as I want to be. So immediately after that great flood, I began devising escape plans and procuring things I may need to get myself (and hopefully others, to safety).

Hence, the rope (and the other things I bought since then).

I have two door accesses, so maybe I’m pretty safe in case of fire. But I have a third possible exit, the window. The only problem is that I will have to jump off and probably sustain fractures in order to escape. Realizing this, I bought a rope I could use in case my only exit left is the window.

Wild imagination? Maybe. But could you say that when all you needed to get to safety is a few meters of rope and you find yourself not having it?

I am not one who wouldn’t do my part and then blame the government for lack of preparedness. More than anyone, disaster preparedness is a function of families and individuals. Making sure that our place is safe is our responsibility, not the government’s. Moreover, sometimes, during emergency, the only way we could help in rescue efforts is by getting ourselves to safety on our own, so that rescue workers could focus on others who might be in worse situation.

Preparing for Emergency: Tips

1. Put your important documents (passports, contracts, IDs, etc) in a ready-to-grab bag, preferably waterproof) and let everyone in the house that it is first thing to be secured in case of emergency IF THERE IS STILL ENOUGH TIME. This was my brother’s idea actually and it has been our practice for years now. During Ondoy, our “Escape Docs” was one of the things that I secured and brought with me, my dad, and my nephew when we decided to abandon the house as the flood rose above waist level. It again worked to my advantage last year during a fire scare. A house two blocks away caught fire. Because the things I needed to bring out were properly identified beforehand and were ready-to-grab, I was able to add a few clothes for me and my brother who was away in my “escape kit.” In ten minutes, I was ready to leave the house. (It could have been faster if I wasn’t writing when the fire broke out. Since I was — and because I noticed I still had plenty of time before the fire would reach the house next to mine — I decided to shutdown my laptop properly first and secure it as well). Fortunately, the fire was put out by my neighbors before it spread.

2. Prepare emergency kits (clothes, extra IDs,) in ready-to-grab box. This is so that in case of emergency, you wouldn’t waste time thinking of what things to pack, and packing them. With things ready, you will have more time to think of other things you need to bring with you.

3. Have a disaster/rescue plan for your pets. When I saw the PDI picture of pets left behind by their owners during the Bulacan flooding last year, I realized more than ever that I don’t have the heart to leave my pets behind if the same thing happened to me. So I thought of ways in which I could save myself and my pets as well. The solution I thought of? A carrier that could contain them all and which I can easily carry along with my other things. It’s bulky, true, and it occupies a big portion of my closet-turned-stock-area. But that is the only way I think I can get them all out in case of emergency (instead of using one basket each and possibly fail to secure one or two of them in the process).

4. If you are not in your place (say you’re in a hotel, workplace etc), always take note of emergency exits. And it would be great also to discuss with your companions, especially children, your escape plans in case of emergency. Where to meet each other, or where to go to should you lose each other during the emergency and the chaos that might ensue.

5. Don’t panic. Tips 1-4 would be useless if you panic. In times of disaster, the only way you could increase your likelihood of escape is by keeping your mind. When you lose your mind during emergency, you not only put yourself but also others to more danger. And you might not be able to do the sensible thing to do during emergency.

There you have it: my five tips to preparing for emergency. What’s yours? Please email them to angel_a2z@hotmail.com or tweet them to me @PENteaser.

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We Filipinos tend to ‘make tiis’ of bad situations. There is not enough food on the table? Magtiis. The bed is hard? Magtiis. The job is low paying? Magtiis.  The rented room is too small and doesn’t have a comfort room? Magtiis. Better that, than nothing at all.

In bad times, being able to make do with little and put up with bad situations can be a positive trait. It enables us to withstand difficulties. It allows us to be resilient when we go through rough situations. But while being able to make do with what we have and with our difficult situations help us to survive harsh life and catastrophes, if taken to the extreme, it will also stop us from striving to make things better.

The way I see it, an adverbial particle — muna — must always go with the verb magtiis. With ‘muna,’ we are making a promise to our self that the unpleasant situation we are in is only temporary and that we will do what we can to get out of it. And soon. Until then, we have to learn to ‘make tiis.’ Magtiis while we don’t have resources to avail of something better. Magtiis until we get out of poverty. Isn’t there a Filipino saying: “Habang maiksi ang kumot, matutong mamamaluktot (While the blanket is short, learn to curl for you to fit in it)”?

Copyright Sherma E Benosa 2011
[Extracted from a longer piece scheduled for publication]

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In caring for pets, I have allowed a new kind of fear into my system: “What happens when it’s time for the kittens to go? Can I take the pain? Can I even make the decision to euthanize them when the time comes?”

These are the same thoughts that sometimes keep me awake at night, when I am most vulnerable, when fear somehow manages creep in to torment me: “What happens when the time for me to lose members of my family and close friends to death? Will I be able to withstand the pain?”

These are the kinds of thought that make me want to travel to my folks, and hug them and just wanna be with them. These are the very same thoughts that sometimes make me wish to still the moment, to make the present stay as it is. For though the present does not hold the fruition of my dreams, it has all the things I hold dear — family, friends, dreams, hopes, my pets. With the people and pets I love — alive and breathing — the here and now may well be perfect.

But just as soon, a voice reminds me to have faith in Him, to understand and accept that death is a part of life. That, without death, there may also be no life.

With that thought, I extinguish fear and I begin to breathe freely again. What will be, will be. Just enjoy the present. For all I know, I may well be the first to go.

Indeed, when we love, we make ourselves vulnerable to heartaches and pain. In caring for people and pets so much, we offer our hearts to be broken. And while our pets and the people we love might never want to break us, they will. Sometimes, simply by breathing their last.

Many times, I tell myself not to care so much to avoid pain. But that would be like killing myself to avoid dying.

So I guess I should simply live in the moment. Hug my pets and enjoy their company. Love my folks and friends, and share life with them. And to the rest of humanity — share a smile, some good deeds, and bits of myself.

Who knows, perhaps in doing what I ought to do, the inevitables will not scare me so.

//Sherma E. Benosa
September 28, 2011; 11:25am

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“Be the change you want to see in the world.” —Mahatma Gandhi.

I believe that the only way we can improve the world we live in is by changing first the things that are close to us — that means, first and foremost, ourselves.

While I endeavor to do my share in my community, I am also busy trying to change myself and become a better person.

’Project Me’ is a series of long-term (hopefully lifetime) and short-term personal development endeavors that I will go through in the hope of improving myself and creating a better me. In this project, I will analyze my weak points and create a program that I will challenge myself to adhere to, until this program/behavior forms part of my habits.

Some of these endeavors, I may choose to write about, while others, I will keep to myself.

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Background

During the past five years, I have been doing some personal personality enhancement efforts to create a better me. These efforts have been:

1) writing in Ilocano [2007-2008]

2) learning and loving to cook and becoming more physically active [2009-2010]

3) shifting my circadian rhythm [from 4am to 2pm sleep time to 11pm to 5am sleep time) [2010-present].

This is, however, the first time that I will be naming the project.

First ‘Project Me’ Endeavor: Time and Me

“The challenge is not to manage time, but to manage ourselves.” —Stephen Covey

So yes, my goal for now is to manage myself vis-a-vis time. In particular, I am challenging myself to arrive at least five minutes early in every appointment, including my classes to show that I respect other people’s time. I am a perennial late comer, sometimes to the point that I get stressed out when there’s traffic. I think it’s about time I gotta change that. [Exception: GUMIL meetings.] The challenge commences tomorrow, September 12.

This silence with a hoarse voice.
I close my ears to her ramblings

But she pries open my soul

Her tongue sharp

She cuts me to pieces

Wounding me like she has wounded me

Many times before.

I try to kill her — my tormentor.

But she just laughs, mocking me

Killing me like she has

Killed me many times before.

Again she shows me

They ring the loudest

The words that lurk underneath

The voices we forbid to speak.

//Sherma E. Benosa; 14 August 2011; 8:41am
aka Brainteaser = Penteaser

//Sherma E. Benosa; 02 June 2011; 10:35pm
First posted in Facebook

What better way to remember the past year, than to review the words that dripped out of my pen? Friends, let me share with you some of my FB shout outs in 2010. Just like in last year’s edition, please let this be my humble way of thanking you for sharing with me your time and friendship. Thank you for the opportunity to appreciate life with you, the friendship.

Xoxo —Sherma E. Benosa

Was finalizing my research questions for my language education study when suddenly, VF blurted out: “Will I ever have a tranquil life with you?” I looked up from my computer screen to consider his question and replied: “Are you suggesting that as a research question?”

//SEB, April 17 at 10:41pm

[Continuation] Just then, a malicious smile touched my lips. I counter-asked him: “Do you really want a tranquil life, or a life with me?”

//SEB, April 18 at 3:43pm

Thanks to me, VF’s vocabulary greatly improved during the past four years. Now, he knows the meaning of the following: raket, tsika, eklavu, okray, dyowa, girlalu, nenok, dedma, badinger, whatev, twitams, dabarkad, and the like. He is also updated with the newly-acquired meanings of the following words: ganda, taray, mahaba ang buhok, etc. I listen to him use these words when it suits him and I smile.

//SEB, April 22 at 12:03pm

I never liked political campaign periods. It’s when trash becomes so fashionable. But then, in our part of the world, kelan ba naman naging hindi?

April 27 at 9:51am

Our tragedy is not that we are poor. Or that we have corrupt politicians. Our tragedy is that we never learn from our experiences and that we are always attracted by glitter than gold.

[My reaction to Erap winning the second spot in the presidential race]

May 11 at 11:13pm

I have come to learn — finally — that I have a better chance of beating Time if I travel by its side instead of trying to overtake it (for it’ll never let me) and that I will reach my destination faster if I slow down a little.

//SEB, May 19 at 6:42am

Between the things I know and the things I don’t know are lessons to learn and opportunities of learning.

//SEB, May 31 at 11:21pm

Mosses for me are a sign of stagnation, of being in one place too long that one accumulated only the things that came one’s way. If I were a stone, I think I would want to be moss-free, to be rolling whenever I feel like it. I see myself as very rough at the start but would become smoother and smoother as I roll along unpaved highways and swim with or against the flow of life’s rivers.

//SEB, A paragraph in my essay, “The Rolling Stone” first posted in iluko.com then in my personal blogs (http://bilingualpen.com/brainteaser; http://brainteaser.wordpress.com)

Re-posted at FB in July

The road may be rough, but the view is nice. And every curb holds surprises.

I walk for these surprises and for what may be at the end of the journey, for the people walking with me, and those who I may meet along the way.

My life is a worthwhile journey.

//SEB, August 17 at 12:50pm

“OR” is such a lovely word. It presents options. But it can also mean limitation, like when it is used where “AND” would be better. Sometimes we see life as “this OR the other,” even in instances when we should take it as “this AND the other(s)” or “some of this AND a little bit of the other(s).”

//SEB, August 27 at 9:28pm

ONLY WHEN

Let’s not walk through this road, forgetting

That only when we let trust stay afloat

Will we be able to drown our cloak of doubt.

Dreams don’t soar in our sleep;

Only when we are wide awake

Are we able to give them wings.

And only when our courage learns to fly

Are we able to crash our fears.

Let’s walk through this road, remembering.

//SEB; April 1, 2008

 Reposted in FB on August 30 at 5:48am

The day sky is always blue; and the night sky, sparkling with stars. The skies never turn gray — it’s just the dark, stormy clouds that do.

When things seem so dark you can’t see clearly, remember it may just be the clouds hiding the blue sky (or the stars) from your view.

//SEB, September 3 at 6:35am

I looked back as I was running as fast as I could, expecting to find Time behind me, struggling to keep up, only to learn that he has gone far ahead.

I slowed down to a jog, then to a brisk walk, and then to a leisurely one.

I looked far ahead, expecting Time to have outrun me for miles. What a surpise it was to find him walking beside me, sometimes, even lagging behind.

//SEB, 05 September 2010; 8:20pm

September 5 at 8:20pm

Life is not a see-saw; you need not bring others down for you to go up.

//SEB; 08 September 2010 08:16pm

Life is a weighing scale, one that is sometimes (if not often) tipped.

//SEB; 08 September 2010 08:18pm

‘What if’ is such a sad phrase when applied to the past; it suggests regrets and ‘could-have-beens.’ But it can be a power phrase when applied to the future. It offers endless possibilities and countless options.

//SEB, 06 Sept 2010; 7:12am

I love flying. It’s the only time when I need not look up to watch the clouds, when I am closest to the heavenly bodies, and the tall mountains are anything but formidable.

It’s just like being in a dream.

And just like dreams, this too has to end. The plane descends and normalcy is restored again.

[SEB; Thoughts while flying back to Manila, 27 Sept 2010]

I love flying. It’s when I look down to watch the clouds and the tall mountains that I am best reminded how little I am.

 [SEB; Thoughts while flying back to Manila, 27 Sept 2010]

[Please check out last year's edition here. Thank you.]

There are times we need to call for a timeout. But while life may be a game, its rules are different from those of the ordinary games we know.

We cannot call a timeout and expect life to stop. It goes on, even if we are severely injured, or too exhausted to play.

We pause at our own risk.

The good thing is that there are pauses worth taking. These pauses allow us to take a breather and evaluate where we are and decide where we want to go.

By all means, pause. Sometimes, it’s the only way to get back to life.

(Just don’t pause too long, lest you’d find it very hard to get back in).

//Sherma E. Benosa

Aka Penteaser/Brainteaser

January 29, 2011 11:04pm

Inspired by @Darla Frantz’s FB status: “making sure of a slow Saturday here….life moves too fast…and i want a timeout…”

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We know things end in order for some other things to begin.

Perhaps things end because some things realize their significance only at their conclusion. Or because there are things whose beauty we can appreciate only when we have viewed them in their entirety; that is, from their beginning to their endings. Like stories. Like movies.

Things end because that is the course of things. Every beginning does have an ending. You begin, you end.

In essence, beginnings are endings. The moment something begins, it moves closer to its inevitable end.

That said, why then must something even begin when we know it will inevitably end?

Things begin perhaps because the things that happen between beginnings and endings may even matter more than the beginnings and endings. If birth is beginning, and death is ending, then we are not defined by how and into which we were born, nor by the manner of our death, but how we lived our life.

Or how about because there are things that must begin in order for them to realize the reason for their being? It doesn’t matter that they eventually die out; what matters is that they get to serve their purpose. The candle must burn; the matchstick must be lighted to perform what they were created for. They’d die in the end; but would you say they will have been wasted, when they will have given you light and fire?

Would you say your life is a waste, when you have loved, known pain and happiness, cried and laughed, stumbled and stood up, and failed and learned? Or would you say something has been wasted, when it has effected change and accomplished something, or helped something be accomplished by its stirring?

If beginnings are endings, endings too are beginnings. You end, you begin.

//Sherma E. Benosa

22 January 2011; 10:04pm