Stars have meaning in my life.
Every night, I would look at the dark sky to find the myriad stars my sight could reach. Even on cloudy days, I would try searching even for a tiny glimpse of a lone star. Finding even just one star would make me smile.
When I was a child, I dreamt of being an astronaut. I was fascinated with the colorful photographs of galaxies, of stars and even of the earth from outer space, in my science books. Their colors and their vastness would make me gasp in awe and I would often see myself staring at them for a long time, wondering if heaven is as beautiful as them. I told myself that one day, I would be the one taking pictures of them. I would fly out there and try reaching them even only with my sight.
I remember when I first heard the nursery rhyme “Twinkle, twinkle little star”. I felt the same feeling as the writer of that rhyme. I wondered what those shiny little objects up there in the sky were. I wondered what they were doing there, so far from me. I wished then that I could reach them and hold them in the palm of my little hand. Just like the little fireflies dancing around me on quiet evenings in our garden…I would put them on my palm and watch them glimmer in the dark, wondering where they got their light on their backs. Then, I would set them free and let them fly away and it would make me smile to see their lights blinking again, probably because I set them free and did not harm them in any way. They were a sight to behold especially when they flew in groups. They looked like the lights of Christmas. I finally learned in class that they get their light from some sort of chemical in their system which makes them glow in the dark—kind of the fluorescent “glow in the dark” stickers my niece put on the ceiling of her room to imitate the star-filled sky outside. This reminds me, I ought to put these kinds of “glow in the dark” things on my bedroom ceiling to remind me of the stars outside, so that even if I could not see the real stars, I would have something to look at in my own room.
As I grew older, I became fascinated with astrology—the study of the alignment of stars to predict something. I really was and still am into this thing. It is not because I fully believe that by looking at and analyzing the stars’ location in the sky, someone could predict what is going to happen or that through them, someone could produce a full description of a person’s personality and future. What amazes me is how certain types of personality are attributed to the alignment of stars when people were born. I could not believe it at first when I read about my own astrological sign—Pisces. Every bit of description was applicable to me! May it be about talents and interests, or dispositions (being depressive, for example), dreams, and other abilities—they were all there in the Piscean profile. Even the negative descriptions hit me in the face! And when I thought about all the Pisceans I have met, I realized that they also manifested the Piscean character. Same goes for all the other astrological signs (or zodiac signs, if I may use the more common term). Since then, I have often checked my so-called “horoscope for the day” to see what lies ahead of me. Most of the time, either my horoscope comes true or it aptly describes what I was feeling on a particular day. I realized later on that people sometimes feel the same way as others and that “my horoscope coming true” is just one of those odd coincidences, since people’s experiences are also sometimes the same with others. It is what I call “the circle of life”—everything, and everyone, for that matter, is connected to each other (kind of what the song in Pocahontas—“Colors of the Wind”—is trying to tell).
Nonetheless, I still often use people’s astrological sign to create a profile of them in my mind. By knowing their birthdates, and consequently, their birth signs, I could already gauge their character or personality. Add to this my belief that I have a sort of “strong intuition” (owing maybe to my being a Piscean which is also the sign of psychic ability, if it is true)—I always have the correct first impressions of people and events. Or maybe, just maybe, I just have a natural gift of intuition and understanding and this has nothing to do with the stars, or whatever heavenly bodies there are in the sky.
As I have done since I was a child, I would always look at the stars above and try to count them, which I would never really finish since there are millions up there. Sometimes, as soon as I have counted some of them, they would disappear, hiding behind the dark clouds, and so I would start counting all over again until I have grown tired of it and I would go back to my bedroom to sleep.
Sometimes, I would search for the group of stars called “constellations” and identify them by their shapes and locations. I would point at the “big and little dipper” and remember the children’s stories about them. I would look at the often unidentifiable “Orion” and try to look at books telling his story. I would search for the countless constellations of Greek gods, as there was one time in my life when I became fascinated with Greek mythology. And of course, I would search for the brightest star—Venus (this one in Roman mythology), and remember what it symbolizes—beauty, and love, for that matter—two of my most favorite words in the world. Beauty, for it encompasses what I would want the world to look…from nature to the kind of life I want for the people…and love, for it is the most beautiful gift of God, and the greatest virtue of all, for in my belief, “love makes the world go round” (if I may quote), and everything is nothing without love. The stars, especially that bright morning star (evening star, too), are my symbol of beauty and love.
Once, when I was with my friend lying on a blanket we spread on the grasses of the famous UP Sunken Garden and looking up at the star-filled sky, wondering about things to come, I saw a falling star. It was exactly one year after the infamous September 11 (9/11) event in the U.S. of A. I remembered that one year before, on that same day and same place (considering the time difference), I was looking up at the stars above and praying that what happened out there would not trigger a “third world war” or worse, the “end of the world”. I had lots of personal problems that time that my mind was in a topsy-turvy and creating exaggerated illusions. And one year after, I was lying again on the blanket on those grasses of my beloved university, and wishing on that falling star that nothing that tragic would happen again in my life time, and the “feared” and also “anticipated” end of the world would not occur while I am on earth, as I really love life and I knew I still have a lot of missions to accomplish in my life. Those stars, and that one particular falling star, became my sort of hope for the world.
Just like the “star of Bethlehem” which guided the three kings to where the “hope of the world” was born more than two thousand years ago; it was the brightest star on that particular night. It appeared in the sky to tell the world that the Savior has come.
That is why we often put a star on top of our Christmas trees, to remind us of that particular star. And the lights blinking on and off around our trees look just like the stars in the sky, even in various colors.
Stars are also often used in songs. I always hear it not only in nursery rhymes and love songs but even in country and folk songs, and even alternative songs. They are often portrayed in songs as symbols of hope—“wishing on the same star”; or symbols of the future or of destiny—“written in the stars”.
And who would forget the fact that countless countries of the world made use of stars as symbols in their flags? Some of these flags have a star or a number of stars as symbol of bravery, emphasizing their heroes’ deeds. Others considered the stars as embodiment of the various states in the country. The stars are the same in size and appearance, telling the world that the states may have differences and may be independent of each other, but they are still culturally the same in general and they belong to one particular country. Sometimes, other heavenly bodies are used as symbols in flags, such as the moon (often crescent in shape) and the sun, as in the case of the Philippines. These also symbolize either hope, bravery or the various states or regions of a country.
Sad to say, sometimes, the people of different countries forget what these symbols are for. We often see war-torn countries in the news. People forget beauty, hope and love in the world for all they see are grief, misery, and death.
I have also seen grief and misery all my life. I have oftentimes wondered if life is really all about pain and tears. How wrong I was!
I came from a poor family. My parents had to work so hard just to give us a better life than what they had before. We had to help them find other sources of income while we were in school. As if that fate was not enough, all of us in the family acquired various types of ailments, ranging from heart disease to liver and stomach ailments. Even tumors and high blood pressure became a problem for some of us in the family. We have been constant visitors of hospitals and regular clients of different kinds of doctors since the time we were born. What supposed to be money for the other necessities of life and leisure, oftentimes went to the hospitals and pharmacies. Add to this the numerous problems in each of my siblings’ families and my own personal problems. I had never been a healthy child but having Rheumatic Heart Disease limited my activities and almost shattered my dreams, especially when I was not able to go to school for more than two months. Whatever awards in school I had obtained, I got from being persevering since I was oftentimes absent from school for health reasons. I had to use whatever intelligence and skills I have just to survive academic life. Years later, I had to endure all the limitations and failures in the various aspects of my life. But the most tragic of all was being hurt so much by someone I loved and with whom I have built my dreams and my world around. With all the sad memories in my life, nothing would have prepared me for the pain of this experience…of being left by my beloved fiancé.
That was four years ago. But did I ever curse my life? Did I blame anybody for every negative thing that happened in my whole life? Did I become bitter? I realized that for all those sad memories, there were many happy moments in my life. I have always counted my blessings and never dwelt long on the negative side of life. Having a loving family, a nice career, friends, and the opportunity to travel and do some of the things I enjoy, are enough for me to feel the often elusive “joy of life”. Most importantly, being able to help other people and sharing my talents are the things that give me simple joys. I have realized that God was only molding me into the kind of person He wanted me to be. And for all His blessings and even the trials He gave me, I am grateful to Him. After all, life really has its ups and downs, its light and dark sides, its yin and yang, its own set of opposites. Much like what Dan Brown, in his famous novels, has emphasized…the concept of duality in the world. I would have never appreciated happiness if I have not experienced sadness. I would never know laughter without the tears. For all my experiences in life, I still look at the stars in the sky and still see hope, beauty and love in the world.
Yes, grief and misery are everywhere in the world, and death is the ultimate sadness for each one being left.
I have witnessed many deaths in the life of my relatives and friends. Almost every month, since I was a teenager, I would hear the news of death in someone’s family. How many family members have my friends lost? How many times did I embrace my students when they lost someone they love? Or how many times did I feel the grief-stricken heartbeats of the family members left by my beloved students who died from either heart ailment, drowning or vehicular accident? Even in my current workplace, in a span of seven years, I have witnessed a lot of deaths, including the death of my mentor and second mother three years ago. And how many times have I lost a pet dog either because of old age or of illness? Even if they are only animals, I have loved them like little brothers and sisters. They were my best friends.
Death really is the most painful of all.
I have wondered about death many times. I know I am only passing in this world and in my journey, I would meet a lot of people and experience a lot of happy and sad moments. Passing away, for me, is the end of a person’s mission in this world…and the beginning of a new life beyond.
Every time I look at the stars, I imagine them being the spirits of those who have passed away and gone on to the next world. Sometimes, I imagine them as the angels who guide us along life’s journey. I see their brightness and always realize that their light comes not from themselves, but from the sun, something bigger, and something brighter.
Now, whenever someone passes away, I think of them as the stars, still there looking down on us who were left on earth. It seems childish to think in those terms but it is the only way to cope with the sadness of being left by someone we love.
Sometimes, I get to thinking, what if the stars disappear from the sky? Is that possible? Maybe, they would not really disappear, but it is possible that one day, I would not be able to see them anymore as often as I want. Global warming and climate change are gradually destroying even my view of the nighttime sky. How can I see the stars now that even during summertime, it always rains and the dark clouds obscure my view of my beloved stars? I know they are still there, hiding behind rows and rows of dark clouds…the dark clouds gently reminding us of the earth’s fate in our own hands…and the stars, also gently reminding us that we still have hope, for they are still there.
I hope that like Vincent Van Gogh, I would still see the stars and be able to paint them even only in my heart and mind. It would give me joy to see a “starry, starry night” everyday of my life.
That is why my favorite hero is Superman (or Supergirl, maybe?), because he is one of the few superheroes who could go to outer space and touch the different heavenly bodies. I envy him whenever he flies out there and sees in close range the other planets (the stars), the moon, and the sun, which I am only privileged to see in movies or in photographs in books and the Web. Not only that, he is a “star” in his own right, because of his compassionate heart and helping hand. That is the most important of all.
So whenever I see a star as a symbol of other superheroes, I think of them as a symbol of their mission and passion to help others. After all, they would not be superheroes if not for their superpowers and that kind of helpful attitude.
That is why I also often fantasize being a superhero (or super heroine?). I would also love to have superpowers and help other people. I would want to make a difference in the world. And maybe, my symbol would also be a star, because I would also like to be a star—not a star of popularity or fame, or power, or wealth, but a star as a symbol of hope for the world.
I ought to have been named “Esther”. Or maybe, “Star”, although it is very uncommon. Or, I would have loved the name “Angel”. I would want to help others in my own little way; maybe, in a bigger way, if I would have a chance to do so. I would very much like to be an angel in other people’s lives.
Maybe I could share more to them, just like what I have been doing for many years now—visiting various institutions such as the Home for the Aged, the orphanages, institutions for the physically handicapped, Boys’ Town and many others to which I help give support and my presence as a gift. And now, I am part of another group—the Rotary Club—sharing its blessings to the less fortunate ones. I would also like to continue feeding the street children I often meet in various places inside and outside of our campus.
Whenever I do these things, I feel I am a star—a symbol of hope for others. I would wish upon a star that someday, I would have the opportunity to build my own orphanage or a sort of foundation that will help the marginalized sectors of society.
The “stars” in show business ought to do these kinds of things, too. Yes, they bring happiness to others for they entertain them and share their talents to them, but being stars do not always mean they shine on stage or become popular because of their record albums, movies or shows. They would be real stars if they would share their blessings to others in more ways than one, because being a “star” means being a source of happiness of other people. Is it not better to be stars because of enriching the lives of others or helping others reach their dreams?
Now, whenever I look at the sky, I would try to find even a lone star. Falling star, or not, I would still wish upon a star, for a better world, not for me, but for the others out there, and for the next generations, who may or may not even behold the stars because of the dark clouds caused by pollution and the gradual destruction of the environment. I would wish upon a star that even through grief and misery and death, every one would find happiness, for happiness is always there for all of us to feel and enjoy. It is our choice to be happy or not. That is what I have learned in my three decades in this world.
Even if I have not fulfilled my childhood dream of being an astronaut (as this is a very difficult goal especially in this country where there are no space ships yet), I have experienced being a teacher and a writer—two of my other dreams of being a star. In my own right, I could say I had been a star to my students, molding them into becoming better persons who would in turn, make the world a better place. I had been a star to my own following as a writer. Most of my stories touched countless lives especially the overseas workers who have even sent letters to me, admiring my literary works and testifying how much my stories have enriched their lives.
I realized that even if I have not flown to outer space to see the heavenly bodies in close range or to take photographs of them, I have been a star, and I have met a lot of stars in my life time—“stars” who have also made this world a better place to live in.
The next time I lie on my blanket on the grasses of UP, or even in Tagaytay where I always spend quiet weekends or wherever I am, I would look at the sky and imagine all the people looking at it, too. I would feel their pain, hear their laughter, and realize that we are all looking at the same big sky and wishing upon the same bright star. And even if there are times I would not see any star, I would still imagine them there. They are just there waiting to show themselves in time.
Yes, stars do have meaning in my life. On second thought…stars have MEANINGS in my life. They are my symbol of love, beauty and hope. They are my angels. Just like them, I get my light from the One up above.
As Sara Teasdale said, “Stars over snow and in the west a planet, swinging below a star. Look for a lovely thing and you will find it. It is not far. It will never be far”. Like the stars, my dreams are not out of reach. They are just there for me to behold and grasp. I can reach out and touch them with my fingers…in my heart and mind…because they are not far. They will never be far…as long as I believe. And just like the stars, I will shine for all people to see. I will always give them hope. I will be their star.
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(first appeared in :”Tugatog”, the Rotary Club of Metro-SFDM weekly bulletin, Dec. 6, 2011)